Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
ponder
P o n d e r i s m s
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they
are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only
a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing
the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both DOGS.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Airline Announcements
United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
************ ********* ********* *******
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '
************ ********* ********* *******
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'
************ ********* ********* *******
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
************ ********* ********* *********
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
************ ********* ********* *******
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
************ ********* ********* *******
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
************ ********* ********* *****
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. '
************ ********* ********* *****
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..... .except for that gentleman over there.'
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City .. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
************ ********* ********* ********* *
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
************ ********* ********* ********* *
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Desperate friend requests!!
Ok my I was scraping Miss P about something and I came across a series of really motivated, frustration full friend requests (mind you Miss P is popular, remember Mr. Seagull) on scraps (ORKUT) so thought why not collect them for other people to see and inspire from.
Warning: the content is in its original form and not tampered with , only the captions are something I guess Miss P would have thought of!!!
So here it goes
plz plz plz add me (simple but effective)
hai......im doing mech. engg.................wat abut u................ (not doing engineering at least now )
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
this is manoj telecom engineer want 2 friendship (yah I want to read my grammar again)
hi would u like my frnd ship?? (yah y not how many sizes and colors does it come in?)
Hello mam... h r u...u knw wat...i got inspired by u!! (I got expired just yesterday sorry
Hi girl can i be your friend coz i am seein the 1st girl who is so clear about this world..... wanted a friend like u can i send a request?????????? (yah cuz I use special glasses to see the world clearly)
Hello how r u?
Can we be friends? (if not well I wud try again later)
hiiiiiiiiii...........Miss P..wanna b
r u interstd 2 mak frndshp with som1 ho wnts 2 mak frndshp wid u....
if y den rly soonnnn (yah and I wanna make rice curry and fish fry etc etc )
Saw your footsteps in my profile.. Thought I would get to see your scrap as well. :-) (yah before that I need to change my moniter it got messed up with all those foot steps !)
Hi Miss P,
its seem strange ....but pls don't misunderstood me.....actually m in search of nice gift(probably designer jewelery) ....for my honey....as she is annoyed ...help me out dear.....i just approach u bcause i find lots of similarity(specially yr face cut) between u nd my jaan.... ( wait lemme get my knife grrrrrrrrrrr)
hiiiiiiiiiiiii this is rahul frm
Hi This is Amit 23/m frm mumbai....i have gone through
If intersted pls reply..awaiting..bbyyee...tk cr (what that’s all ? what about the rest of the biodata ? )
That’s all for me folks but the list still remains endless….poor miss P!!!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Proverbs Gone wrong!!!
Hmm.. I thought lots and lots of proverbs,phrases,,inspirational one liners have been written over the centuries..to motivate guide and inspire us..to live life..BUT..i thought in today's time..if they were to be really looked upon with real different perspective..lets see what we get????
So here it is proverbs gone real wrong....
Ignorance is a blissful of blisters!
Laugh often, Dream big and Reach for the stars! If not - try insurance…
Practice makes a man perfect- and a woman...richer
Practice makes a man perfect and after that he can RIP
Knowledge is limited. Wisdom is unlimited. So are calls on our network...buy now
There is no wisdom like frankness.. Try getting nude on a highway.
Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.--still fools get better positions and faster promotions.
For every soul, there is a guardian watching it. And those unwatched are at a rave party enjoying life.
Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. Thinking while driving and they take others with them too.
Try not to become a man of success but a man of value and try no to get caught.. doing it.
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
what their is another dictionary too?
“I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” I got robbed stabbed and got handicapped for life..
Imagination is more important than knowledge. You can any ways imagine your rich... still knowing that your not.
The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. hmmm... the secret of his happy married life i guess.
Actually I am very glad that people can buy Armani - even if it's a fake. I like the fact that I'm so popular around the world…. yah i love to use my toilet paper that says Armani all over it.
A dream catcher works, if your dream is to be gay. so straight people better luck next time!!
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal or a MNC executive...its one and the same thing.
Got any more ideas?? do leave your comments!!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The quetions we ask????
Hi ever wonder why we come up with most interesting of dumb questions , with no answers to ,,so here are a few ones which i discussed with a cool blogger friend of mine...
don't ask me ..WHY ?
1. Are you sleeping? Nah just playing dead !!!
2. Am i lost? no your brain is !!!
3. Where does this road go? No where u have to walk over it!!!
4. Is this a dream? Want a slap now???
5. Oh is it raining outside? no water leakage from clouds
6. To a taxi...are u free? no u have to pay for it
7. At a baby shower ..Oh my gosh how did this a happen?
8. Hey where the hell u come from?? Sky.. just landed and parked my cape!!!
9. Is that really a question? No I was figuring an way to find new grammar!!
10. What are u saying???...u don’t say?? Decide fast what do u want me to do!!!
11. Don’t tell me u did it....??? aright... m not telling u since u already know !!!
12. Shut up!!! what are u trying to say?.......... trying? ... i am already saying it dumbo and how can I shut up now that I have said it??
13. Ok did u tell her about the things we discussed. to be kept between us??
14. Did u know that we planned a surprise party for u? ok !! I wont tell any one about it shhh
15. Over a fractured arm,, does it hurt? No I am having the time of my life!!!
16. Oh man...Ar u getting married to him... seriously? No we just standing here for the photo opportunity...
And why are you still reading this??? don't you have anything better to do????
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Things you do , if you really want to spoil your date!!!
So again lets make points on how to make things go wrong even when they shouldn’t !!!!
So what if its your friends best friend, coming on the blind date with you…take her along,, just for the identification parade.
So now as you three are together, and you have asked her to stay back,, two girls and one guy ,,,go shopping…for cloths.
You must be aware fully now guys hate shopping with girls,, so take time further to decide upon stuff, and occasionally ask for his opinion.
Eventually the guy would start thinking that he would get to talk over dinner,, change the plans,, go for a movie instead.
So the guy would be thinking a romantic movie, may be action ,or comedy, guess what.. take him for a horror flick.
So things getting screwed up by now or not.. still the guy has enough left in him ,,,start your old school pal chat with your friend,, of which he can make no sense of or be part of.
So those of you who would be sympathizing with Mr. Seagull here, or thinking that if it worked even a bit for him.. nah!! the final blow comes when Mr. Seagull asks Ms. P to be dropped home.. how chivalrous isn’t it ?? She just simply says…
Sorry!! I would be staying at my friends place tonight…!!!
Hurray…!!!!
But wait – that night !
Ring Ring !!!!
“ hi …aaa …miss P ???”..
.”yah!!” ..
“Hi Seagull here”
“Hmmm hi?”
“yah , I just called to say.. that I had a great time with you today.. and really liked spending the time ..With you.. aaa would like to do it some time again???”
Click !!!!
beep.. beep.. beep..
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