Airline Announcements

Ok this is not my original but something worth a laugh...so next time you catch a plane...do remember these


United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

************ ********* ********* *******


On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '

************ ********* ********* *******


'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'

************ ********* ********* *******


An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'

************ ********* ********* *********


As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'

************ ********* ********* ********* ****


After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'

************ ********* ********* *******


Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

************ ********* ********* *******


Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

************ ********* ********* *****


'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. '

************ ********* ********* *****


'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..... .except for that gentleman over there.'

************ ********* ********* ********* ***


Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City .. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'

************ ********* ********* ********* *


After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

************ ********* ********* ********* *


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'

************ ********* ********* ********* *


Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'

************ ********* ********* ********* *


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

Desperate friend requests!!

Ok my I was scraping Miss P about something and I came across a series of really motivated, frustration full friend requests (mind you Miss P is popular, remember Mr. Seagull) on scraps (ORKUT) so thought why not collect them for other people to see and inspire from.

Warning: the content is in its original form and not tampered with , only the captions are something I guess Miss P would have thought of!!!

So here it goes

plz plz plz add me (simple but effective)

hai......im doing mech. engg.................wat abut u................ (not doing engineering at least now )

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
this is manoj telecom engineer want 2 friendship (yah I want to read my grammar again)

hi would u like my frnd ship?? (yah y not how many sizes and colors does it come in?)

Hello mam... h r u...u knw wat...i got inspired by u!! (I got expired just yesterday sorry ur late)

Hi girl can i be your friend coz i am seein the 1st girl who is so clear about this world..... wanted a friend like u can i send a request?????????? (yah cuz I use special glasses to see the world clearly)

Hello how r u?
Can we be friends? (if not well I wud try again later)

hiiiiiiiiii...........Miss P..wanna b ur frnd...just add me (we can just forget about other imp things in life)

r u interstd 2 mak frndshp with som1 ho wnts 2 mak frndshp wid u....
if y den rly soonnnn (yah and I wanna make rice curry and fish fry etc etc )

Saw your footsteps in my profile.. Thought I would get to see your scrap as well. :-) (yah before that I need to change my moniter it got messed up with all those foot steps !)

Hi Miss P,
its seem strange ....but pls don't misunderstood me.....actually m in search of nice gift(probably designer jewelery) ....for my honey....as she is annoyed ...help me out dear.....i just approach u bcause i find lots of similarity(specially yr face cut) between u nd my jaan.... ( wait lemme get my knife grrrrrrrrrrr)

hiiiiiiiiiiiii this is rahul frm bangalore can we interactttttttt? (wait let me get my book of cursing 101)

Hi This is Amit 23/m frm mumbai....i have gone through ur profile..it seems quite interestng...me wrkng as an engg. for MNC...hw abt u??whr do u stay??
If intersted pls reply..awaiting..bbyyee...tk cr (what that’s all ? what about the rest of the biodata ? )

That’s all for me folks but the list still remains endless….poor miss P!!!

Proverbs Gone wrong!!!

Hmm.. I thought lots and lots of proverbs,phrases,,inspirational one liners have been written over the centuries..to motivate guide and inspire us..to live life..BUT..i thought in today's time..if they were to be really looked upon with real different perspective..lets see what we get????



So here it is proverbs gone real wrong....

Ignorance is a blissful of blisters!

Laugh often, Dream big and Reach for the stars! If not - try insurance…

Practice makes a man perfect- and a woman...richer

Practice makes a man perfect and after that he can RIP

Knowledge is limited. Wisdom is unlimited. So are calls on our network...buy now

There is no wisdom like frankness.. Try getting nude on a highway.

Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.--still fools get better positions and faster promotions.

For every soul, there is a guardian watching it. And those unwatched are at a rave party enjoying life.

Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. Thinking while driving and they take others with them too.

Try not to become a man of success but a man of value and try no to get caught.. doing it.

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
what their is another dictionary too?

“I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” I got robbed stabbed and got handicapped for life..

Imagination is more important than knowledge. You can any ways imagine your rich... still knowing that your not.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. hmmm... the secret of his happy married life i guess.

Actually I am very glad that people can buy Armani - even if it's a fake. I like the fact that I'm so popular around the world…. yah i love to use my toilet paper that says Armani all over it.

A dream catcher works, if your dream is to be gay. so straight people better luck next time!!

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal or a MNC executive...its one and the same thing.

Got any more ideas?? do leave your comments!!!!

The quetions we ask????

Hi ever wonder why we come up with most interesting of dumb questions , with no answers to ,,so here are a few ones which i discussed with a cool blogger friend of mine...

don't ask me ..WHY ?




1. Are you sleeping? Nah just playing dead !!!
2. Am i lost? no your brain is !!!
3. Where does this road go? No where u have to walk over it!!!
4. Is this a dream? Want a slap now???
5. Oh is it raining outside? no water leakage from clouds
6. To a taxi...are u free? no u have to pay for it
7. At a baby shower ..Oh my gosh how did this a happen?
8. Hey where the hell u come from?? Sky.. just landed and parked my cape!!!
9. Is that really a question? No I was figuring an way to find new grammar!!
10. What are u saying???...u don’t say?? Decide fast what do u want me to do!!!
11. Don’t tell me u did it....??? aright... m not telling u since u already know !!!
12. Shut up!!! what are u trying to say?.......... trying? ... i am already saying it dumbo and how can I shut up now that I have said it??
13. Ok did u tell her about the things we discussed. to be kept between us??
14. Did u know that we planned a surprise party for u? ok !! I wont tell any one about it shhh
15. Over a fractured arm,, does it hurt? No I am having the time of my life!!!
16. Oh man...Ar u getting married to him... seriously? No we just standing here for the photo opportunity...


And why are you still reading this??? don't you have anything better to do????

Things you do , if you really want to spoil your date!!!

Ok as you must aware about my female buddy, from my earlier post on the jilted lovers.. lets call her Ms. P…well it seems she got an opportunity to go out on a date.. and it seems interestingly, that she has become a very strong character of sorts to come up with new inspirations for me,,, so coming back to this post its all about how she almost tortured the guy,,in the date of disasters….and the guy in particular lets call him Mr. Seagull has survived and is still not giving up as yet..…who would also be an interesting character in my posts to come,, as the story moves forward…lets hope..!!

So again lets make points on how to make things go wrong even when they shouldn’t !!!!

So what if its your friends best friend, coming on the blind date with you…take her along,, just for the identification parade.

So now as you three are together, and you have asked her to stay back,, two girls and one guy ,,,go shopping…for cloths.

You must be aware fully now guys hate shopping with girls,, so take time further to decide upon stuff, and occasionally ask for his opinion.

Eventually the guy would start thinking that he would get to talk over dinner,, change the plans,, go for a movie instead.

So the guy would be thinking a romantic movie, may be action ,or comedy, guess what.. take him for a horror flick.

So things getting screwed up by now or not.. still the guy has enough left in him ,,,start your old school pal chat with your friend,, of which he can make no sense of or be part of.

So those of you who would be sympathizing with Mr. Seagull here, or thinking that if it worked even a bit for him.. nah!! the final blow comes when Mr. Seagull asks Ms. P to be dropped home.. how chivalrous isn’t it ?? She just simply says…

Sorry!! I would be staying at my friends place tonight…!!!

Hurray…!!!!

But wait – that night !

Ring Ring !!!!

“ hi …aaa …miss P ???”..

.”yah!!” ..

“Hi Seagull here”

“Hmmm hi?”

“yah , I just called to say.. that I had a great time with you today.. and really liked spending the time ..With you.. aaa would like to do it some time again???”

Click !!!!

beep.. beep.. beep..

F.O.S.L.A.

F.O.S.L.A.

Frustrated One sided Lovers Association

...tips and tricks..to stay alive and happy !!!

ok a long standing subject which i came across in a movie.."DIL DOSTI ETC."
but a subject worth discussing.. as it comes to my mind a person, a perfect specimen i had been knowing for ages...would act as the ideal inspiration for this...i would cal him Mr. A

Principles / Guidelines of FOSLA

Yah right!! the first and foremost motive of this association is to rectify the myth that one sided affections are not to be looked down upon ,and as of now not to be linked to a psychotic or paranormal behavior.

One sided affections shouldn’t be at the tip of social outcasts.

The person has all rights to live in a make believe world, how so ever unreal and has the right to love and shower undying affection be it one sided.

He / She have all rights to love one ,or more than one (yah it happens in short spans of intervals) and to express, or not express themselves at any given point.

Being moody is inevitable, and every one should be made aware of the fact that the mood swings are there because of the other side not giving proper attention.

Oath:

All the FOSLA members have to swear solemnly that they would dare not believe for once that their dreams are false and their affection though one-sided are of no major importance, they have to be happy and living life even if the one whom they love or have a crush on ,doesn’t bother to look, or ignore at any cost, or at worst humiliate publicly, they have to be strong.. And keep trying!!

Warning:

At any given circumstances FOSLA takes no responsibility, that it might be followed as a cult and advises that all followers of this belief – they should never harm any individual or themselves, drive them selves beyond the point of no return, they can any ways move on better pastures, believing those did not deserve their true love and attention, rather than being stalkers criminal minds or mass murderers, out of shear frustration.

How to get rid of jilted lovers, the Exs??

I was suggesting lots of ideas to my buddy who’s ex a guy has been troubling her , so i thought why not as a post on this blog.. Inspiration for some lesson for others….



So here it goes...

1. When ever you pass by him make him feel that your the happiest and u don’t need him and making sure he made notice of the fact repeatedly.

2. And hang out more within his circle - whom are your friends also mostly now.. choke him as much as u can.. bottom line..

3. Send him a cake with love u and miss u on top and add lots of Jamal Gota (Indian herb for constipated horses)..He would never be out of home leave alone trouble you.

4. Call up his mom/dad/sis/bro/grandparents and say.. he’s been troubling u, at two in the night!!! Repeatedly !!!

5. Send after him a pesky friend who’s desperate for any guy, and tell her he has a real hidden crush for her!!!

6. Better is tell all of your gay friends you broke off because he has secret gay feelings and needs to come out.. help him…!!

7. You put up his number online for the best deal on sex enhancement drugs, he would be busy fixing deals let alone bother you.

8. Fix up real encouraging caller tunes.. and take time to pick his phone up…

9. Sign him up for the distressed suicide help lines and tell them he needs counseling on regular basis.

10. Throw boiled eggs at him, and the fact the eggs don’t explode would make him feel shamed, that even he doesn’t deserve to be insulted properly.

CAUTION!!!
So any case, how it may turn out to be, I don’t take any responsibility or guaranty that these may or may not work.. and give special warning to those.. who are in the pursuit of troubling their exes without any reason.. Guys.. Get a life.. Now!!!